Perfuma De la Rosa

White Noise...

2012-01-30T06:49:00.000-08:00

In the midst of a burning flame
My ideas are greatly shrinking
Cannot consume voices & verbs
It dehydrates me further
and leave me with one choice
But to stay silent....

Dry Lemons...

2012-01-24T02:47:00.000-08:00

For it starts with a glance
seeing Bright Colds dance pretty
Out of tune & totally immune to us
Smile! Smile as it cracks Logic!
For colored worlds miss serenity.

A failing exoskeleton of old beings
Lost in their raison d'etre
Nothing falls prey to itself
Feast! Feast as it stumbles down !
A bright reminder of loss & naught.

So Haze & soundproof rooms disperse
As still points mark the mental loop
And our void become full once again
Flee! Flee as Reality shines again!
So encrusted are we in its confines.

As breaths & pulses pass by slowly
We refer to joy as a consolation
For muted thoughts & subjugated wills
Fall! Fall as colors appear again!
As you rot in dried wells of sanity

Courtesy to Omar Saleh.... whose demonic mind creates beautiful proses.
To get intouch with Omar: bhaal_son@hotmail.com

أنا عندى كرش ..... أنطباعات جسدية

2011-07-24T17:51:00.000-07:00

قضيت اليوم بأكمله مستلقية على الفراش متأملة ببطىء و أستغراب هذا الكائن المتمدد فوقى.

من أنت يا صغيرى ؟ و كيف تسلقتنى دون أن أشعر بك ؟ و أين والدك ؟ نظر لى شزرا وقال: "أنتِ. فقلت له, أنا مين؟ , أنتِ والدتى. أنا مين؟ , أنتِ والدتى. كيف؟ و متى؟ و أين؟ , فقال: " يومياً, أمام الثلاجة" .

صمتُ قليلاً ثم تذكرت. صحيح, أنت فعلاً أبنى, كيف أتجرأ و أنساك. ثم مددت يدى حول كرشى الصغير الذى حاولت جاهدة نسيانه و قررت عدم المحاولة نهائياً أن أتزاكى عليه مرة أخرى

iTsunami...

2011-07-16T16:58:00.000-07:00

Episode 1:

i hear a voice, that tells me to drink water, then i become water. When the earth is over, we shall be the last survivors.

i dive my feet into cold sand, and then i hold ma self with my own hands. i smell you. Weren't we the last to breathe over the surface?
thru my skin, i see you.

A shooting star chase me, remind me of how it used to be.

How when i climbed the mountain, i was giving you a hand to survive the dream.

Shall we be the last survivors?

The Mountain tears turns into crystal

A shimmer pass over our face, reflecting the world that once was a refuge from our inner fear.

We open our arms to play the music and spread it down hills as the human memory will only keep the picture of its last heroes who saved the world and liberated the soul as we became the last 2 survivors....

French Manicure... Part3

2010-11-12T16:23:00.000-08:00

(Random thoughts over my sexuality)

Being Kalbouza (A.K.A Fat in a nicer arabic language) has been my official tag since I was 5.
Why was it so annoying to all my fat family members that am soooo kalbouza? When I was 5, I thought they could be jealous coz I was so free to eat all I want with zero guilt. When I was 10, it occurred to me that they might want me to look better so they dont suffer whenever we go shopping for outfits that rarely fits. When I turned 15, I realized how they are projecting their inner sickness on me. When I turned 21, I lost 40 pounds and gained them back 2 years later to prove that I am free to do what I want with this body. Today, am 31 and I weigh 80 Kilos and satisfied with my full curves and proper cleavage.

....To be continued....

French Manicure... Part2

2010-11-06T13:03:00.000-07:00

(Random thoughts over my sexuality)

Why no one find elbows, knees nor finger knuckles as attractive as any other part in a woman's body? I wonder while flossing.
I blow dry my pumpkin head. I pluck my non identical eyebrows. I pull up my skirt and watch my unsexy knees and wonder again; good that knees r not a tool to weigh woman sexiness.

....To be continued...

French Manicure... Part1

2010-11-05T17:56:00.000-07:00

(Random thoughts over my sexuality)

I stopped walking in my favorite heels eversince my summer foot injury. I abused my feet by being a party animal that today am being punished by walking heels-less. All those glam open toes I saved for special occasions are for no special use now. On the other hand, this increase my chances to go barefeet as an act of protest as well as having my "walking barefeet fantasy" come true.
Someone once assured me that i have strong feet of a Taurus, my astro sign is Taurus but never knew I can have Taurus feet. I took it as a compliment.

.....To be continued....

Who Have a Clue...

2010-10-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

...If he doesnt, then who?

Undesired Closure.

Prey... (PS: Mature Content)

2010-09-15T05:03:00.000-07:00

My Heartbeats chase my pulses

How can my brain be so wet?

Am spreading my legs and feel you behind me

Contemplating the well crafted bum.

Laying on ma stomach

Writing down how the chase continued...

I wanna bite you, scratch you till you bleed

I wanna lick you and kiss you on a harsh speed.

My stomach hurts

I am resisting to touch myself

The wolf inside is trying to escape

It's painful, more painful than an exorcism

My Wolf is stronger than all my demons together

It can tear you apart

No sweetness, no tenderness

Just cruel aggression

My moans scars your ears

It shall leave a trace

I insert my pen inside Venus

It is so dry as the fountain ran up to my head.

I lick the skin you licked

My naked flesh

My heart becomes an earthquake.

Inside my throat is a dry land

Craving to suck you, to be roused

My lashes rub against your face

while am having your lips as appetizer

I will chew your tongue

Tonight, you are my food.

Nothing can equalize me now

Breathing is crossing continents

I squeeze a nipple with fingertips

while teething upon your nipple.

Your screams do not affect me

No sympathy, No mercy

Am collecting all my past anger

and creating a fierce army

Ready to attack

before the battle even begins.

with all those bruises they call "love bites"

Your Body is mine

I smells you hundreds of miles away

I dig my nails in you

to mark my territory.

The wind carries the song

to other land yards

Other wolves will not dare to bark

No one can save you

Today you shall be enslaved

and I shall be crowned...

The Dragon on ma skin...

2010-04-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

A tribute to Lisbeth Salander "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo".

Though am still in chapter 4, I created this visual image of her. In me, as her, through me. I picture the piercing look, her dark raccoon eyes and her mute lips. I don't speak much lately and she thinks a lot. I meant, she don't speak much and I think a lot. Am confused, she or I, her or me. It doesn't make a difference. Over our skin same scar. She hided it with a dragon and I wore a shirt instead.
Can a Butterfly be a dragon?
...

Together...

2010-03-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

You've been my golden best friend
Now with post-demise at hand
Can't go to you for Consolation
Cause we're off limit during this transmition
This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And I can't stop bumping into things

You've been my soul mate & mentor
I remembered you the moment I met you
With you I knew god's face was handsome
With you I suffered an expansion
This loss is numbing me
It pierce's my chest
And I cant stop dropping everything

I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be sexy together
I thought we'd be evolving together
I thought we'd be family together
I thought we'd be happy together
I thought we'd be limitless together
I thought we'd precious together
I thought we'd be healing together
I thought we'd be growing together
I thought we'd be adventurous together
I thought we'd be exploring together
I thought we'd be inspired together
I thought we'd be flying together
I thought we'd be on fire together
But I was sadly mistaken........

(Credit goes to Alanis Morrisset)

Film Noir...

2010-03-09T07:28:00.000-08:00

(My first professional Fiction short story...Thank you Linda for believing in my talent and thank you all my friends for your constant support)

Carla Love Frank
Behind the steel bars Carla smokes her last cigarette, looking back with a cynical laugh at her past life. There is no present and no more future. This is the end of the plot.

She remembers when she first met with Frank at his office on the 10th floor. That day, her destiny was determined. She walked in wearing her white chanel ensemble, black heels and a hat. She never forgets her red lips at home. She enters then knocks the door. Behind a cloud of smokes, Frank appears, speaking on the phone with a wrinkled frown. He gives her a signal to come in and sit down. It's humid outside but the vintage ventilator eased the air and pushes documents away from the desk. "Oops" Carla murmured, with a grimace she moves to rescue the papers. She slightly kneels to pick them up. Frank notices her posture and smile. Carla is the brunette Marlin Dietrich but as sweet as Rita Hayworth. Frank is a mix of Humphrey Bogart in a Frank Sinatra's spirit. He hangs up and takes a long breath. "Hello" he start, "How can I help you ma am?" Carla hesitates then speaks "I am about to be killed detective". "Then you came to the right place sweet lady" Frank giggles. They fade with the scene while a Dean Martin Swing tune comes from the 11th floor.

At "Zaphir" club, Carla is the lead singer 4 nights a week. The place delivers first class services for it's cliental. Show rehearsals are always conducted early mornings and changed twice a month to keep the atmosphere vivid. The stage is centralized between the round black leathered lounges. The walls painted in shimmering white screams jazz. On the opening day of her new show, Frank checks audiences from behind the beaded curtains. Carla finishes her song on stage with a steering storm of applauses. She's every man's fantasy and every woman's jealousy. Her velvet voice hypnotized Frank that he didn't care enough why he is at this club in the first place. He fell for Carla's irresistable charm. Does he know she fell for him after their few meetings at his office? No, he doesn't.

Days go by; Frank and Carla are madly in love. They meet daily at her apartment late at night and sometimes she drops by his office early afternoon when she's not performing. They drink, smoke and make love. Carla's obsession with him grows. She's possessive. She's not immune to his gaze or his husky tone. The scar near his left eye is like a magnet that pulls her whenever she wants to escape him. In bed, she sometimes calls him 'Raoul'. He used to laugh then he hated it when she did that. Did he know that Raoul was the love of her life? Did he know that Raoul once existed? He was the love of her life and yet she murdered him. Why? Coz he left her and broke her heart apart. What about Frank? Would he face the same destiny?

Carla becomes more and more agitated when she senses Frank's distance. Would she cover her hands with more blood? She wants revenge as she cannot accept being rejected. She considers giving away her heart to someone a sacred act and she always expects rewards. The detective disappeared like a phantom. He never returned back to the club. He never goes to his building. A massive mystery embarks on the stage of the femme fatal. Suspected for a crime of love, Carla gets arrested. No more silk, no more lace, she is facing her destiny within the grey walls behind those bars of steel. She puffs her last cigarette with her challenging eyes and her red lips that she never forgets at home.

The End

Oblivion Grudge...

2008-07-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

Inside my dark soul, I wanna freed myself. I wanna cross the road, but the road wont allow me. Am not sinful enough. how can I be sinful if am in love with one god, "You"

I wanna dance barefeet till millions of dawn pass thru me and I find myself again.

I want this girl again, being wrapped in her own self passion, diffusing it to the world.

If I knew, just if I knew....... I wish I knew but am ignorant about life and yet still alive.

I wanna look at the mirror and recognize myself, I don't anymore.

If I scream those mountains over my chest!
Maybe then, I'll be ready to put down this load I've carried longer than I had cared to remember.

I can't reach you, I'm in the middle of the sea, cannot reach the shore

Demons, my own demons are locking me,

they do that sometimes,
they punish me

I wanna be holded,
till it crush my chest

I want compassion, I want to escape

No More Heinz?

2008-06-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

between who I was and whom shall i become
lay remains of a girl, bits & pieces of a woman who lived here once
who shined someone's life and killed him at the end of the journey....

When it's too late, nothing can be saved...

2008-06-19T04:00:00.000-07:00

i am an expert in hurting people, but most of all an expert in hurting myself.

i should be diagnosed for being champion of heartlessness and guiltlessness.

but what've known about myself for the past 29 years have suddenly changed.

by hurting the people i love, i do hurt myself in return.

when would i wake up and learn the difference?

the slight difference between good intention and losing sight.

sadly i am learning now, but it's too late to change, the damage already occured.

cAn SoMEbody InsPire the HECK out of mE? (PS: Mature Content)

2008-04-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

Digging a finger or two inside oneself for incentive..
Guiltless lustful actions known as Amour Adultaire..
Unecessary food filling a big hole in stomach..
Shaking infront of 9000 Watt speakers for a promised vibrate quack..
Quickies? they are only good for a momentum fantasy..
Foreplaying is becoming banal and no Eroticism enough for mental erection..

Neither prayers nor intense sex..

Cutting own flesh to taste running fresh blood..

But again......Nothing seems enough

Thrill Factor & The Edge...

2008-01-22T05:05:00.000-08:00

What keep us on our toes is more than just a crush towards each other. It's the thrill factor.
What we have in common do not impress me nor the knowledge of universe you do have.
It's the Edge we stand on that shake my senses whenever I fall into normality.
You swap away more dust from within. I might not be ready but don't stop from swapping till dust go away so I can see Myself.

To the Bohemian who is getting to know herself.

...;..@

Untitled

2007-09-26T01:01:00.000-07:00

She said to me: He is not perfect...but he reaches me..
He knows how to treat me...and I look up to him always...
This is one thing I have been missing...

On the mind & heart of my childhood friend

'Understanding' do not equal 'To understand'

2007-05-16T04:55:00.000-07:00

Everytime I feel entrapped to understand you, I stop and decide that I won't waist time to understand, that's understanding.

I better save all my energy in truely loving you and then my brain will alinate.

...;..@

CANDY...KANDY...حلاوة ...

2007-04-05T05:02:00.000-07:00

.قالى: أنت كاندى حياتى. و كاندى يعنى حلاوة، بس مش لازم تكون حلاوة المولد, ممكن تكون أى حلاوة
و الحلاوة دى حاجة بسيطة بس بتفرح العيال. و أنا فى قلبى عيٍل صُغير، بيتنطط من الفرحة كل ما يسمع كلمة لذيذة، ما
بالك بقى لو الكلمة دى كانت كلمة كاندى

Heinz ...حلاوة بشَعر
05.04.2007

Valentine Treet...

2007-02-01T03:32:00.000-08:00

An Old piece written and posted on one of the online communities back in 16.02.2004

I am a Woman. So I have a hard time asking for things I want. After all, Women are supposed to be restrained. We are not supposed to have dessert, get too emotional or reveal naked ambition. But what if you want the Chocolate Brownie and the Cheesecake? What if you want to be the managing director next month? And what if you want more in a RelationShip?

I remembered this cozy conversation I had last night with a friend when I was telling him over the phone that I feel lonely and he thought that this is due to Valentine's mood, especially that I am back single again like the old days. What an assumption! ! !
I assured him that this feeling of loneliness that haunt me every now and then has nothing to do with Valentine as honestly speaking, I never tried this Valentine Magic before, it always happen to be the period when I just ended a relation or going in a new one, so I never recieved Gifts or warm feeling at this occasion so called Valentine.
For me, Valentine never represented any meaning or even formed any kind of speciality at my side for the simple reason is that I was never in love during a Valentine.
This made me think deep about all the things I ever wanted during a RelationShip and whether do I have the right to want them in the first place or simply wish for them. Plus the fact that some might think that I am a demanding Person and that I should contempt and Thank God for what I am having in hand.
But Guys, come on, we all wish for something and if we do get this something, we wish for more, aren't we all somehow greedy?. Actually, I don't see it that way, I see it as a healthy trial to fulfill our needs, our human desires, to be happy and yet satisfied at the end of the day. And if being Happy & fulfilled on the emotional level is something to be called greedy, then I am happy to declare it outloud, I AM A GREEDY PERSON.

In a RelationShip, I want Everything & More and sometimes I want More from Everything. I want Love & Respect. I want Compliments & Warmth. I want Physical security & Surprises. I want Confidence & Fun. I want Tolerance & Understanding. I want Thrill & Peace. I want Pride & Sympathy. I want Honest & Integrity. I want Sharing & Individualisme. I want partnership & Independance. I want someone to love me the way I am. I want someone to stimulate my mind & Body at the same time. I want a brave soul to contain my fragile composure whenever I feel down or conquered. I want Compassion. I want all of the above and More as more is all I have wished for.
But as I want what I wish and I wish for more than I want, then I want More from Everything... So why don't we all stop the assumtion game and get real, after all our partners aren't Mind-Reader. Let's go directly and tell them right in the face about what we want; to make the best out of what we already have.
And remember, it always takes one Leader to drive a Ship but it takes two to lead a RelationShip. Hope you all had a Very Happy Valentine Ladies & Gentlemen.

The Italian Rose....and More
(From Perfumadelarosa writtings Archive, Valentine 2004)

VOTE FOR THE COOLHUNTER....

2006-12-14T01:48:00.000-08:00

But before you do check it out first:
http://www.thecoolhunter.net/

If you like it like I did (it's incredibly amazing), please vote through:
http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_culture_blog.php

...;..@

What's your mood for today?

2006-12-14T01:28:00.000-08:00

Beyond and in between ...

2006-08-08T06:15:00.000-07:00

While focusing on your life or treating issues affecting your life, someone asks you to look at the bigger picture in order not to feel frustrated and get lost during proceeding your track targeting a certain End. Adopting this scheme makes you realize that you give up on so many things you really want or wish to happen in a certain way and you end up losing the fun of the whole journey even if this journey is getting you what you want at the end.

Another theory imply the benefits of choosing the track that mostly feels convenient regardless consequences; barring in mind it might actually not lead to the same End desired but for the sake of taking the risk and the thrill of the journey, applying your own way might actually satisfy you even if you don't get what you want at the End (at least you tried).

Between first and second theory lays one clear justification which is the END, how crucial and important this End is for us to make a choice whether by sacrifying our way for the sake of the End (The Bigger Picture Theory) or jeopardize the End in order not to miss the fun of the journey?

Would I go greedy if I say that I want both, the End & the Journey. I then go puzzled coz at the end of the day I have to make one choice at a time...

Patience is the key & Passion is the drive...

2006-07-17T00:44:00.000-07:00

"Lord, I wish for mental strength to tolerate and to understand"

...;..@

My Favorite Dream Fridge...

2006-06-20T04:26:00.000-07:00

http://www.smeguk.com/Catalogue/Fridges.aspx

...;..@

The Rasuolian Experience ...

2006-05-18T15:19:00.000-07:00

Tribute to Rassa Laurent...

Rasuola is for Rassa and Rassa is for Rasuola and both are Laurent... Lady Rassa Laurent... It might be another name written on those 7 certificates frames hanged on the walls of her small studio around the corner but for me, Rassa was a whole experience by herself that added a new dimension to my personal perception among life crowds.
Between her original homeland Lithuania and her career city London, lays a history of Make-up, Styling & Fashion Modeling, created to bring to her disciples a new individual vision & a new independant way of thinking and seeing things. Her passion in delivering her techniques in Make-Overing and Artistic Styling made her one of the few who really transformed talent into committment. Performing for more than 15 years, Rassa have always something new to add.

During my short yet rich period I spent in her Tip Top Studio in Cairo, I've learnt how beautiful is to be a make up artist, not because make up artists make people looks different, but because a real make up artist is able to embrace and show the inner youth and beauty of a person.

Go Organic will remain her eternal life style theme that will keep echoing in my ears for as long as I can breathe.

Rassa, nothing I would say can define the value you have added to my Life, only what you have taught me is a living proof of all what you believed in. I am proud being one of your students and looking forward to make you be proud that I was once your disciple.

@..;.. Cairo, Egypt, May 31st 2006 ...;..@

Sneacking down my Window....

2006-04-30T17:18:00.000-07:00

It's 3.20 am, you sms me asking if I'm still awake. I give you a call to find out that you're down my bedroom window. You say:" I couldn't sleep before seeing you, even if it was just a shadow from a window". I then think to myself:" I love being that much loved"

...;..@

Happy Birthday To ME...

2006-04-23T15:29:00.001-07:00

30 minutes ago, I just turned 27 years old.

...;..@

Memoire of A Cheerful Spirit...

2006-03-19T15:43:00.000-08:00

I’m completely naked & walking on this grass carpet of my Grandma’s back yard. My barefoot touch the rough leaves collapsing on the ground wondering have they decided to suicide or the autumn executed the season verdict and pushed them from the tree?

I didn’t give much time to think about this tender Massacre and kept enjoying the feeling of my nude skin stimulated by Mother Nature.

I hear the crotched leaves yawning under my feet while I’m slowly singing a dawn lullaby:
“...I’m calling on you princess spirit as your soul belongs to my heavenly kingdom. Why do you turn down my calls princess? Why do you keep overdoing these useless Earth Jobs? They don’t make you happy, they are even against your free will but you insist on doing them. Give it a try princess, give your soul a chance to discover a new Earth……..lalalalala…hmmmmmm…....”

My Lullaby suddenly stops as Grandma is now calling on me “Where are you Spirit? What are you doing out in this cold? “I’m coming Granny” and in my mind I wondered “how could Granny believe its cold while I don’t? I’m naked and absolutely feel no cold.

I stepped into the house, finding my Grandma sitting besides the fire place with all her peaceful charm and her silver silk hair contemplating my photo in that old woody frame. “Why are you looking at my picture Granny?”
She didn’t turn to answer me, she held the Frame tightly with her soft hand, a shimmering eye and with a deep smile she said, “You used to be the most cheerful Spirit”. “Why Granny, isn't I’m cheerful as always?”

She dived the frame in her chest and sank in silence…………

...My Cheering up spirit, you are and shall remain
If your soul found her rest, you stay and save me a place
In Autumn I'll find myself Happy and never drop a tear
On a dead leave I shall care, as in Spring her soul will be back...

26.02.2004

The Graceful Lust (PS: Mature Content)...

2006-02-22T04:17:00.000-08:00

Everytime I go nude, I wonder, how do you think of my body, how do you perceive my curves and skin type. But I don't keep wondering far as once I dig myself in your arms, my soul melt in your sphere. The thought make me shiver and go with a gooze skin. I notice in your eyes more desire in possessing my flesh, in merging with me through your touchs. I deliberate and show more skin. I sometime sees you as a runaway boy who wish to be lost in a heavenly garden where he can feel secure. I mostly use my exposures as a way of communication when my language fail me to express how I feel. And before I drift in my mind obstacles, I quickly surrender my tongue to yours as a sort of alliation in forces.

How can lovers become one in this most intimate action without losing their identity? How can they get rid of all their integral complexes just by holding hands? How can a passionate kiss wash away all fears?... even tears becomes sweet and all irrational attitude make all sense.
It's mysterious and this is the pleasure out of it. No how's or why's as if all questions don't need more answers.

....In this most mask off emotional battle, lust become the only ligible weapon....

Beauty as a repetitive trait in Life cycle...

2006-01-24T12:54:00.000-08:00

Again I'm stimulated in opening a 3rd parallel lane in the track of my recent reflections on Life aspects. It's strange as you cannot talk about one side without dragging the other sides to the discussion.

It always intreagued me when I was young how some perceived a woman as beautiful while others perceive same woman as not beautiful at all...I then realised that Beauty is a very individual perception that depends on a total subjectivity. Many consider Beauty as a big dilemma while in fact Beauty itself always speaks simple language but we sometimes like to apply those mysetrious equations in order to give Beauty certain attractive dimension trying to maintain an appealing concept to avoid slipping in the trap of a boring abyss.

We reflect what we believe in and this translate into what we see...so does Beauty Vs Ugliness works.... As the popular saying :"Beauty lies in the Eye of the Beholder" as it all depend on what the beholder perceive as Beauty or as Ugly...Beauty is a very simple approach that vary from one to another but yet holds more an attitude & a life style than just a visual conceptive image. Its essence consist on how we think of what we see and how what we see affect the way we think...Its a sort of partnership as both ideas depend on each other...I don't like to mistake Beauty with everything that needs to be visualized coz it transform Beauty into rigide images while in fact Beauty can be identified through all human senses without being restricted to only one factor which is Vision.

According to Pythagoras, the Greek mathematician and the founder of a religious cult devoted to the idea of reincarnation back then in the 6th century, Beauty means "Cosmos"...For him Beauty is the central explanatory concept we require for understanding pretty much everything & anything. Beauty is the key to the order of the universe. Pythagoras had great interests in Music and made a very impressive discovery then that might sound very banal to us now but in fact it is very astonishing. He said:" A stetched piece of string, when plucked, produces a note. If you get another piece of string exactly half the length of the first and pluck it as well, the two notes will be in harmony"... Together they define what we now call an Octave. The Universe is not just ordered; it has a beautiful order. When we are delighted by musical harmonies we thrill, Pythagoras believed, to the fundamental order of all things.

...To be continued...

Life & Unconditional Love...

2006-01-23T02:38:00.000-08:00

Following my previous post on Life and what is related from familiar motions & emotions that might sound to some as repetitive, I would like to aline an unseperable fact that might have nothing to do with what I was talking about but has everything to do with Human Race natural progress which is Love. I couldn't help not to share it over my space since Love (conditional and/or unconditional) is an essential part for any individual during his personal growing up process.

From 7 Habbits of Highly Effective People:
The Laws of Love & the Laws of Life
When we make deposits of unconditional love, when we live the primary laws of love, we encourage others to live primary laws of life. In other words, when we truly love others without condition, without strings, we help them feel secure and safe and validated and affirmed in their essential worth, identity, and integrity. Their natural growth process is encouraged. We make it easier for them to live the laws of life - cooperation, contribution, self discipline, integrity-and to discover and live true to the highest and best within them. We give them the freedom to act on their own inner imperatives rather than react to our conditions and limitations. This does not mean we become permissive or soft. That itself is a massive withdrawel. We council, we plead, we set limits and consequences. But love, regardless.
When we violate the primary laws of love - when we attach strings and conditions to that gift we actually encourage others to violate the primary laws of life. We put them in a reactive, defensive position where they feel they have to prove "I matter as a person, independent of you". In reality, they aren't independent. they are counter-dependent, which is another form of dependency and is at the lowest end of the Maturity Continuum. They become reactive, almost enemy-centered, more concerned about defending their 'rights' and producing evidence of their individuality than they are about proactively listening to and honoring their own inner imperatives. Rebellion is a knot of the heart, not of the mind. The key is to make deposits - constant deposits of Unconditional Love.

Well, I couldn't explain it better if I needed to elaborate same idea and all that cross my mind everytime I read this piece is: "When you shine, you allow people to shine around you"; It's hard but not impossible and we're simply lazy to do it coz it needs courage to face ourselves in order to face others. Everything starts and ends by Us as each one is the center of his/her own Universe. I cannot cut the the reflection without quoting "Coach Carter" in a movie with same name when he said to his team:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure, it is our light, not our darkness that most frighten us. You are playing small does not serve the world, there's nothing enlightened about shrinking, so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine as children do, it's not just in some of us, it's in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same, as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others"

...To be continued....

Life as a repetitive cycle....

2006-01-17T14:07:00.000-08:00

I came to read this article (I rather call it reflection) I once published on one of the online communities like a year ago about Life .. and while I was going through the text, I realised that what I reflected a year ago is again happening same timing but in different context..

Is Life a repetitive Cycle????
...Reaching a certain status in life (especially age) requires a lot of effort, patience, experience and above all, Will & Passion. And guys, I admit, it's not an easy job at all.
During the journey so called Life, people tend to form some sord of intellectual barriers and emotional walls as a personal and private self-defence, each according to his/her own understanding and acceptance to his/her own life style based on a strictly individual perception.
Today, I can't help not to adopt a certain attitude of thinking regarding LIFE and whether it's a sort of a one to one game (an action that needs a reaction and vice versa) and how this individuel lives interact together in a non-stop chain around the whole universe, OR LIFE is just a matter of one repetitive cycle for each individuel that start since his/her birth and go around rotating same scenes and sequences and events all along the way till his/her death.
I am one among many who face same riddled question and concerned on the idea of feeling that we became a sort of players in a rehersal of a same play...
December 2004

...Now it got me re-thinking again about how much our Life look like a big encyclopedic book including Volumes..each Volume is made of Chapters...each Chapter envolves Sections...each Section is a matter of Parts...each Part is consumed by Points...each Point form an Idea...each Idea enclose a Meaning and each Meaning include a Concept or a Form of living that is not necessarily the same among everyone...It's hysterical I know, but we all practice and interact in this big sophisticated and complicated WEB (Where Everyone Believe)...

...To be Continued...

When a Woman Loves a Man...

2005-12-18T23:13:00.000-08:00

She Said:
"I love you in my own way"

...;..@

When a Man Loves a Woman...

2005-12-18T23:05:00.000-08:00

He said:
"I love you more than the human heart was designed for, I love you like no man ever loved a woman before and Still I feel that I'm not loving you the way I should or the way you deserve."

...;..@

Wishes On Christmas Bells....

2005-12-17T23:38:00.000-08:00

I love Autumn, although Winter started some days ago but I still prefer Autumn. And I love Christmas time as it brings me back all the warm memories. This year has been not just another year, this Autumn is not just another Autumn, this year's Christmas Tree is not just another Christmas Tree.
It's cold today and it has been raining for the past couple of days and smell of Trees is different, they took a shower and washed away all the year's dust. From a higher point in town, couple of nights ago, I saw lots of stars and it has been sometimes since I've seen any. They were glittering, shimmering up above and celebrating the season. I love Autumn and I love Christmas time as it brings me back all the warm memories.

when was a kid, I always believed in Santa and cried on several new year's eve coz I wanted my parents to wake me up when he passes by to give me the gift so I can chose from his huge sac what I want. I always wished for snow as Christmas always comes with snow but unfortunately we do not have snow here. I love Autumn and I love Christmas time as it brings me back all the warm memories.
I celebrated Christmas this year differently, I told everyone I know how I feel for them and it was great. I said to one :" you're a stupid asshole and being in your life is useless", I said to another :"Your presence in my life means a lot to me" and I greeted some and cursed others...I love Autumn and I love Christmas as it brings me back all the warm memories.

I wanna dedicate some wishes here today for some people in my life whom had a huge direct impact this year and although many played different complementary assistance roles but yet strong, still those were the main persons whom I owe a word of appreciation:

TamTam, your presence in my life has been always a powerful element. I really wish you to find a real man, in whatever form, the form of a friend or a partner, just a real man to confirm you that there are real men left in this world.
Nouge (or should I say Mrs. Raul:)), I told you before what you mean to me and it's my divine confession. I wish you to receive Love Love Love as much as your own unconditional Love.
Noussa (Known as Rythms), you're one of a kind and not because you're my sis but because you're one of a kind and you're my hero and I go proudly say that I'm your sis. I wish you to keep this charm you spell on people to light their way.
Traveler, this year mark a turning point in our friendship. You're one of the persons that I feel mentally at ease with. I read deeper and I admire you more, I read deeper and I appreciate you more, I read deeper and I go sure and confident that I wanna include you in my 50th birthday list of invitation (why 50th? I cannot imagine myself older:)))) I wish you emotional fulfillment.
Sabsoub, your presence always make a difference and you've been present in an effective way. I wish you first what you always wish for yourself which is Success, I know how important it is for you and I will also wish you Tolerance, not for others but for yourself.
Friez, you're the best thing that ever happened to my life in 2005 and you're the only one who made me realise how wrong I was to believe that I'll never find someone to Love in this vanishing world and I love when you do that. With you I'm reaching my ultimate peaks of self exploration and exposures and I also love when you do that. The quality and the sophisticated communication you're offering me, made me desperately wanting it with people around me. You're witnessing my daily growing up and I wanna grow old with you as without you I don't make sense. I wanna confess today that I wished you last Christmas and my wish came true and this year, this Christmas, I wish to build our own Christmas Tree. Friez, I wish for YOUMEUS to stay as powerful as it is.

Guys, I love you all and your presence in my life make me see how extraordinarily lucky I am. I will not say that I'll do my best to meet all your expectations all the time but all I can guarantee here is that I'll always be myself and I know that all of you loved this self of mine so however the changes and developpements, I'll always be myself... I love Autumn and I love Christmas as it brings me back all the warm memories.

...;..@

Take Me Away...

2005-12-08T17:53:00.000-08:00

It's so strange to discover after so many years that you don't belong to a place you've spent all your life in and it makes you wonder, how did you managed to adapt and cope despite this gape and essential differences on all levels between you and your surrounding. Maybe I jumped into this conclusion under certain circumstances, maybe I was furious, mad, angry, whatever the reason is, still the fact is one, an eternal question: Where do I belong? and would I belong to a place or to a person? do I need to belong as a start?
It's crucial for me this belonging issue as it's probabely for anyone but since each one sometimes perceive him/herself as the center of the universe then I'll talk about my own experience since in my page I'm the center of this cyberworld. I've always encountered this belonging issue and it always arise during my growing intervals pauses where I stop to take a breath and look around me and today during one of those intervals, I stopped to take a breath and found out how cruel to look completely not like people you live among and how unconfortable to feel like a minority inside a mass population. I drafted and poured my madness for such a discovery as it made me process thinking on how come I adapted and coped all these years of my life with this fact.....I keep on breathing and still processing......

Smooth Operator...

2005-12-08T04:45:00.000-08:00

...Amazing how amazingly you amazes me with your amazement charm as these amazements I amazingly get amazed with is amazingly amazing and as far as amazing you can reach, I amazingly declare now how amazing you are with those countless amazements.

....;..@

P for Pleasure & Pain...

2005-12-05T23:34:00.000-08:00

...like long lost twin...Pleasure and Pain...No way to break them apart...Pleasure & Pain...I tear them both...I scream them both... I feel them together and can't deny one...I hate them once and enjoy them twice...Pleasure & Pain...As stains, they will remain...Pleasure & Pain.

...;..@

We looked Wonderful tonight (A date story/ Part 3)

2005-10-14T05:02:00.000-07:00

"...It's late in the evening, she's wondering what clothes to wear...she puts on her make up, and brushes her long blond hair and then she asks me: do I look alright and I say: yes, you look wonderful tonight...", well this was a part of the Eric Clapton "wonderfull tonight" song that kept playing over and over in my backmind all along the evening, although I would've preferred that he says "brushing her long curled black hair" which will sound more convenient to me:)))
Gosh, I know it's been a long time since I blogged Part2, almost 3 months, Friez told me that he will not take me on our second date unless I'm done with this blog, so let me try to recollect details from my poor memory. So, where were we, yes, after starter, we jumped into the secondo plate which was a mix of Sea Food (Calemari, Crab, Shrimp and Gandofli), it's a dish calls 'Paella', it's Friez choice, he's a SeaFood addict, I sometimes think that he lived as a Whale in a previous life :))))

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

Ofcourse you're wondering what is the above!!!...The above is the song he played me on our trip back home after finishing the dinner...what happened between the main course and the ride home? well...soft tender intimate talks and an enchanting night to remember & cherich forever....Now I can say how different it feels to have a date full of feelings although I know that this experience needs like 2 geniune extraordinary unique persons to apply it and because these 2 geniune extraordinary unique persons happens to be Heinz & Friez... then here I am from where I'm standing... I can confirm that it's applicable... you don't need to be like exactly a geniune extraordinary unique person... just be yourself and maybe just maybe you'll meet someone who is not necessarily a geniune extraordinary unique person but who is also him/herself and only then you can have a date full of feelings that is not exactly like ours but then you can wish that it turns out to be as enchanting as ours...

From a girl who felt like a mermaid that night while sitting on the front face of Ralph (Friez Car) discovering that she breath through him (Friez and not Ralph), I wanna dedicate this alive online documented memorable evening to the one man who gave me all the reasons to make me believe that I was just as good as I always thought I am to deserve someone like him...
Friez, thanks for the evening and thanks for being here with me...

Heinz ...;..@

In da Restaurante...(A date story/ Part 2)

2005-08-17T02:04:00.000-07:00

... I was talking about arrangements?..yes, the arrangments, he turned out to be great in arrangements :))) So, after the warm welcome of the hosts, we entered the restaurant. Warm, cozy, elegance, is the least of this place privileges. It's classy without being sassy, it's sophisticated without being boaring (a very exquisite and rare combination) and people there were so friendly keeping a nice smile all the time (this is opposite from what is known about fine restaurants). It's a Medium spaced hall divided on two level like a duplex. We picked up this private table for two near the window corner facing the piano bar. The walls were painted in light creamy spongy color where you cannot miss this big red & yellow exotic bukhara hanged on the left wall once you step the area. There were some selective paintings as well, not too many (thank God) distributed on the different side walls, mostly nature paintings in dark frams.

We took our seats on the confy woody chairs padded in deep dark red soft fabric and in front of us standed proudly 3 different size of glasses half way filled with water and on the surface of each, swam delicately a red rose matching in great harmony with the chairs's fabric & the bukhara. I was still under the exciting effect of the breath taken idea of being on my first date with Friez. I put the daisies infront of me trying to cope with this charming intro but the waiter gave me no chance and started his hosting process for the evening by handing us the gigantesque menu. I followed the ritual while giving Friez these looks & smiles every 2 seconds. I was speechless and lost my vocabulary except the word "amazing", yeah, I think I said this word like 70 times in the 4 hours that we spent in this merry & fairy extravagant atmosphere.

I ordered my first glass of white wine and Friez handled the order while I was still going through the Menu. Once I opened the leathered huge menu book, I found a flower painting on a butter paper with a 'PS I Love You' note and moving further inside, I found a letter also writtin on a butter paper. I was shoked and took by surprise since never could've guessed such an act. Sometimes small unpredicted actions make all the amazements.

We didn't talk much at the first hour, our eyes and face said it all and Friez holding my hand was like a real conversation, maybe mute but very much alive. The encounter was interrupted by the arrival of the appetizer. Fried Calemari dressed in chilli sauce (at least that was the content of the plate or this is what my tongue told me, don't ask me the name of the dish coz I figured out that I need to practice more Italian and for a second I regretted being stubborn when I was young everytime my Italian Grandma tried to teach me the language)....

...;..@To be continued@..;...

First Date on the Blog...

2005-08-16T12:12:00.000-07:00

Everyone or most of us recall his/her first date, not necessarily coz it's the first but simply coz it somehow announce the entrance in the world of emotions between any couple....but wait, I don't agree....How will I be having emotions for someone on our first date since usually the first date happens to be located at the early begining of the relation long before any emotions could've been created???????? Ok, I will answer this when I finish telling the story of my first date.

...I went to work normally that morning and once I stepped at the office, the excitment began as I started to tell my friends over MSN about my first date with Friez. Most of them couldn't get it thinking I was joking and wondering how can I have my first date with Friez after being together for more than 4 months. True, I finaly had my first date with Friez. It's not a joke.
Yes, we've been together for more than 4 months (maybe even longer), we went out all places, we had many dinner outings, great amounts of lunchs and few breakfasts but neither of the previous were made with intention to go out on a date, so we didn't have a real date before and this changed 4 days ago.
Ok, the story started over last weekend when Friez asked me out for a date and we setted Saturday evening for it but unfortunately we couldn't make it same evening since we were at the pool all day and we had no time to go and change to go out for the date.
We setted then Sunday and he supposely did the arrangement and believe me, it was great ones. I kept on wondering what to wear, would I give myself a nail treat or not, how to fix my hair, would I go for a red lipstick or it's not proper :)))))) (Gosh, it doesn't sound like me 7'ales, I usually don't worry about how will I look in an outdoor evening) I ended up by deciding that I will wear whatever cross my mind then and I'll fix my hair the same way I use to do coz I love it that way and will not go for a nail treat since I usually do them myself (that's what Sabsoub told me) I went home that day after work (well not right away, I meet with Sabsoub for some girls talk) took my fast nape, my shower then I dressed up in my Silky Chineese Shirt and wore my smoky eye make up and went down to my prince charming who was waiting for me in our dear Ralph (the car) wearing his sexy black shirt from London:)
I was totally absorbed by the mood eversince I stepped into Ralph and all along the way, I wasn't at all haunted by ideas of what to say and what not to say coz although it was our first date but yet we knew enough about each other to feel intimately confortable.

We finaly arrived at this elegant Italian restaurant infront of which he offered me this Blooming bunch of multi-color daisies wrapped in white with black ribbon and a tender soft kiss on my lips. We entered the place welcomed by warm smiles of hosts as if they were expecting us but why as if, actually they were expecting us and knew we are coming, haven't I told you he made arrangements!!!!

...;..@To be continued@..;...

The Perfect Dose...

2005-08-02T00:51:00.000-07:00

I'm getting exposed to the extend that I feel like vanishing. For the first time I really get personal, intimate and liberating myself a bit more than the usual and the best part of this is that I want to embrace the outcome of this exposure to make me more confident and less vulnerable"
...no more, nor less...just the perfect dose...

...;..@

My Heart Shaped Gate...

2005-07-27T23:01:00.000-07:00

...open up on the garden of my life through which emotions passes by...It strokes the senses of the garden's flowers...It fills side paths...and hunt it's butterflies...My heart shaped gate open up on the high way of my feelings and spread the shine all over the place...No keys needed as my heart shaped gate has no lock...I can smell and taste the shape of my heart...I can touch...I won't knock...It has no door...it's just an entrance with a smooth floor...and inside the fountain of its garden...I hold your heart beats to shape the gate...

....;..@

28 Years Ago...

2005-07-25T23:48:00.000-07:00

...A Hero was born....At what time?...what hour?...Don't know...it's known but it won't make a difference coz he was born finally... 28 years ago...I had no clue that this hero will save me 26 years later....and in this two years break...2 souls were preparing to meet...26 years ago?...It could sound long to many but it wasn't coz Life enclosed only started 4 months ago...28 years ago...A Hero was born to enlight the Life of many but mostly to give Life to 1 soul...28 years ago...26 years ago...1 Life and 2 souls...4 months and it's enduring...4 months and it's endless...1 Life and it's timeless...2 souls for eternity.

Happy Birthday Friez -:)

...;..@

Un-Inhibited....

2005-07-17T00:57:00.000-07:00

... What a word? first time I heard it in my life, I thought it was an insult :) stupid me, I never imagined how this word really explain most of my unconventional, semi-irrational attitude that might appear bizarre to others. Yesterday night was this first time in my life, I was told by a very close friend of mine that I'm the most un-inhibited person she have ever meet in her life and hearing this made me ask her (this was when I thought it was an insult) what un-inhibited is all about, so she said that it's "thinking outside the box".
Well, I am very much familiar with this "thinking outside the box" method, I've been always practicing a way of thinking that made people always accuse me for being a weirdo and it hitted me once my friend called me the un-inhibited that if the way my brain function appear to some as being un-inhibited, what made others consider me as a weirdo? also, what box my friend meant when she said I'm thinking outside of it? I have no boxes, I made no boxes. So where, when and who made them so I can break free and think outside of them?
Guys, I have no clue....I just took the appraisal and had this big smile on my face as if I won a lotto coz for me, It sounded more appealing to be called the
un-inhibited than to be called a weirdo. So, don't freak out if someone calls you the un-inhibited, it's a polite way to tell you how weird you are.

The Italian Un-inhibited Rose ...;..@

YOUMEUS...

2005-07-11T01:10:00.000-07:00

...is unbreakable.

...;..@

When a wound digg the memory...

2005-07-10T02:07:00.000-07:00

...Sorry that my tears hurted you, sorry that it made you feel helpless. I feel amazingly secure, safe and embraced by your existance in my life but when an ugly memory float over the surface, tears can't help but to fall...

You're the Xtra added to my ordinary and I won't allow to my tears to make it sound differently.

...;..@
You take my breath away Friez

Two to Tang-Up...

2005-06-06T15:13:00.000-07:00

...Tang-Up is a Dream, Tang-Up is a Fantasy, Tang-Up is a sparkling shinning butterfly in a stomach, Tang-Up is a wild naughty attitude on the Dance Floor, Tang-Up is an innocent flirt to heal men's egos, Tang-Up is Hope, Tang-Up is a restless soul seeking its mate, Tang-Up is a loud laugh in a long night ride, Tang-Up is a ticklish feather, Tang-Up is an endless story... and if you're ready for it, call on your mate coz it needs two to Tang-Up...

...;..@

Passion Vs Belief(s)

2005-05-25T23:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that Passion always come single while Beliefs come married? Sometimes I am a victim of my own Passion(s) that decides to come in couple and although my Belief(s) are strong but yet couldn't support my mighty Passion(s) extravaganza and some of those Passion(s) end up by melting and loses it's track lane....
But then I comeback thinking "even if I lose one or two Passion(s) in my journey, I have enough faith to know that another one or two Passion(s) are replacing them", so it's not a total loss, I don't consider it loss at all, on the contrary, it widens a space and give their sisters Passion (s) a chance to enjoy my inner soul in order to comeout though Life coz Souls are the only door for Passion(s) to come out breezing our lives.
...And Oh Life, I just Love your coming In & Out Passion(s), those morning breeze Butterflies that move in our stomachs ;)....

...To Friez, my One way In ticket Passion, I Love how you make the best out of my Passion(s)...

...;..@

A dry Hi or a 40 minutes Kiss????

2005-05-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

A rush of emotions showers me all over for the past 72 hours and my little girls jumping all around and spread the condensed excitements and energie among this physical square that surround me and make me feel more inspired and fulfilled but yet can't find a track to let my energie runs over fast.
I try to digg my head into my mountain of magazines, I call all my favorite buddies, I read old letters sent to me years ago, I log online to find any key to unlocked my door behind which my inspired karakib are squeezing but I found my contact list's green light Off and I keep fabricating (and yeah, I just borrowed this term from the only green-light that was On online tonight) ways and improvise in order to release my flows of inspiration; I even wished for any passing Dry Hi that usually some drop it while seeing my green-light On.
But hey, don't think I got frustrated or something, instead, my brain got himself busy calculating how much minutes do I need for a Kiss in order to burn 4000 Calories at least :))))))))

....and thanks to Scupid and Scupido, my evening went on less heavier and more inspired....

...;..@

In order to view my page :)

2005-05-24T16:42:00.000-07:00

Gosh, never thought I'll have to write down anything normal as an opening to my first blog posted but this god damn technology is forcing me to post at least one text in order to view my display page (stupid regulation) what if I don't wanna post anything and just created a space online to observe? what if i'm not ready yet to share anything? I just wanted to preview my empty page after adding all necessary settings to my profile but the stupid asshole on the Cyber page ignore and keep repeating stupidly :"please post something in order to view your page" as if he's a begger who's asking for the wrong currency in a wrong country:)
Anyway, I'm justing writing the above not for the sake of anything now but only for the sake of viewing my page.

Catch you later..

...;..@